Alright, this is probably going to offend some people. But it is true that there are some obvious differences between male and female cats. I know you cannot put all the males in one box and all the females in another, but there are some things that are typical for most male cats, although there will always be exceptions. And the same goes for female cats.

Now, to get rid of any accusations I am going to plead guilty to being biased. I run an all female household, except for the Falcor, who is only a ‘temp’. He is not part of the permanent household. I used to have tom cats as well though. I grew up with cats, both male and female, as a child and noticed that my bond with female cats was stronger, hence my decision to only have females. But you have my solemn vow I will do my very best to be objective.

Let’s start with female cats then:
Female cats are typically more aloof and independent than male cats. They will choose when they come over to be petted and when they have had enough, and although they can be mighty cuddly, it is very hard to convince them to stay on your lap when they have decided it is time to go look out the window a bit.
They tend to be a little bit more prone to ups and downs mood-wise (and I hear most men sighing, much like women ;)). This means that occasionally kitty will not appreciate your attention, although you should not take it personal. She is probably just having a bad day.

They are also a lot more careful and well, -there is no easy way to say this- smarter than most toms. Let me explain. I remember seeing this litter of kittens once. Two brothers and a sister. They decide as a group to try and climb this pile of wooden beams lying in the middle of the room, stacked like a long pyramid. Before you know it, the two brothers are on top of the pyramid, only to come tumbling down with a serious amount of speed and smack their face against the window. They repeated this move four times, count ‘em: 4! And the end result didn’t really change that much. Now the female kitty sat back in the first round, watched some more in round two, got up in round three and actually climbed the pyramid successfully without tumbling anywhere.
That is my point: female cats tend to be a bit more apprehensive of a new situation, but when they do ‘handle’ it, they usually succeed in fewer attempts than males.

Female cats tend to be more gracious and hygienic as well. That means that they will groom themselves more and even go in after the male into the litter tray to cover up his waste properly, so the room doesn’t smell up completely ( my friends have two kittens where the sis that does that for her brother). That also means that there is a big difference between a long-haired male and long-haired female cat. The long-haired male cat will most likely be carrying around thorns and waste in his coat, while the female cat will have to be treated for hairballs from all the grooming she is doing. Now, I am not saying that males do not groom or do not suffer from hairballs, but they are a wee bit more nonchalant about their appearance ;).
As for grace, female cats are usually built in a more slender way and can appear really lady-like that way. And because they are more ‘petite’ they often also fit better in small nooks and crannies without tipping things over.

Now, over to the males:

Tom cats (especially when neutered) are typically more easy-going and relaxed. They tend to get stressed a lot less than a female cat, and will panic and protest a lot less when picked up or petted by a pushy human. This means that pushy children will probably have more luck catching a male cat than a female cat to play with ;)

Toms often also appear more curious. It is not that they are more curious, but rather have more ‘balls’ to go check it out. Call it reckless or courageous; males usually are the first to check something out, with females following them from a distance. This also means they get in trouble a lot easier. On the other hand, it also allows for a more flexible and open-minded kitty when you want to try out a new game or teach a new trick.

However, although he might be more open-minded to learning the trick, it might actually be the female that catches on first. Toms tend to be a bit ‘thick’ when it comes to learning rules or tricks. They must do everything first five times their way before they will reconsider another road. In other words, they will bang their heads against the wall in hopes of knocking it over five times before they realize that they can actually just walk around it. This persistence often gets them what they want, though. Like food on top of the kitchen cabinet. And a space in the bed. So what if you toss me out six times a night? Eventually, you will give in because you want to sleep and I get my space in the bed ;).
The thing is that technique is usually not their forte. Brute force is. This is why it is usually the females that successfully bring home the bacon (kinda like with lions ;)). Although able to become great hunters, females usually are quicker and more effective at hunting and games.

Toms are also cuddlier. They can snooze hours on your lap without moving a limp and will rarely protest to you moving them a bit to get more comfy. That, unfortunately is not true for females. They are a bit more fussy on this issue (and several others). Tom cats also follow you everywhere, especially if you are going to the kitchen. The way to get a male to love you is through their stomach, and this is doubly true for tom cats.

They are more robust in stature than female cats and look more impressive and are clearly stronger. Cause of all this: testosterone. This also gets them in trouble, however, outside. Fighting amongst tom cats is one of the main ways of spreading viruses and ending up at the vets because of bruises and most likely: abscesses. You see, all this posturing and territory guarding leads to squabbles. The nails and teeth of a carnivore are swarming with foul bacteria just dying to create an infection. Now consider that a tooth or nail usually penetrates the skin rather deep and bingo: abscesses for everyone, people. Painful, annoying, and able to cause fever, these relatively harmless things make you run to the vet more than you are willing to go, because kitty has to have that thing cleaned out and get an anti-biotic to bring the fever down. Best solution? Neutering! He will still have some testosterone left to be sufficiently male, but abscesses will decline (though probably not fully disappear) while cuddles will rise.

Like I said, I have had both male and female cats and in my experience you can compare neutered tom cats to cute babies that cling to your skirts. They are mischievous while being utterly adorable, which makes it incredibly hard to be mad at them. Females are often incredibly sensual, sensitive, lady-like creatures with a zest for life and a difficult yet intriguing personality.

The exception to this article is the male tom cat before neutering. They tend to be dominant, arrogant, aggressive, independent, high-spirited and sometimes distant, although they can be very loving to their owner. Females generally do not change that much after sterilization (although I have seen plenty of exceptions on this as well).

So, now we have debated male vs female, (hopefully) without taking sides, I hope you are one step closer to picking your perfect kitty. Next time: indoor vs outdoor cats.